Enlightenment

I really should be in bed since I have to be up in less than six hours but I really wanted to write some of my feelings down about today. It may be that my heart is opened more now that I am going through the biggest trial of my life but I have never founds as much peace in General Conference as I did today. I received yet another reminder that fear is of the devil. At times I want to cling to my fear to feel safe, yet it is a false security. I have to continually remind myself that as long as I have faith in God and His Son that everything will work out for my good. I know also that if I want to find guidance about what to do in my life right now I need to seek for personal revelation. I cannot just expect God to lay everything out for me; I need to work for the blessings of God. Granted, God is always blessing me, but if I want Him to answer me or bless me in ways that I am not already being blessed I have to work for it. I have to prepare myself to hear His answers. He has granted me with peace but I know there is more for me. The second biggest reminder was that God heals us as we forgive others. I though before that I was doing a good job with this. I thought I had forgiven Josh and was doing pretty good on forgiving his parents. I realize now I hadn't. I still feel very bitter and betrayed by Josh at times and resentment for parts of his family. This is not forgiveness. I need to love them to forgive and (as God has promised) heal. I have determined that I will love them. It is not a perfect love but I'm going to try to make it that. I will love them though they may say terrible things about me. I will love Josh (granted not the type of love we had before) and forgive him for abandoning me and breaking all the lasting promises he made to me. I will do it and I am. The real test will come when I run into them at some random time but I'm preparing my heart for that moment. Lastly, the most wonderful message was about love. True love makes us reach out to God and in result other people. Let your will to love and do right be your reason to love and do right. If you truly desire to resist satan you can do it!!! True love does not let lust (of any type) enter your heart or mind, therefore, I need to truly love God. If I love God then I can love Josh and his parents. If I love God then I can love myself!