Weekend Wack

This was a particularly hard weekend. Thursday I got a call from the lady that I nanny for. She had run into Josh at the bookstore and she wanted to tell me what he said. She did ask him what happened with us and he answered her without hesitancy. First he told her that he still loved me. You know, maybe he does love me, but when you love someone the way you're supposed to love your spouse you don't divorce them. I'll admit that this really upset me since he followed this comment with this: " It's the most selfish thing I've ever done, but I had to. Emily never took accountability for anything. I also think that she may be bipolar or have a personality disorder". It isn't a perfect quote but it's pretty darn close. How do you say such things about someone (especially when they are not true) and say that you love them in the same phrase?! He just flat out said this to the lady I work for. It makes me wonder what else is being said about me. Has he not hurt me enough that he has to say these things as well? Maybe he really does think he still loves me, but it must be a pretty twisted type of love. I mean I could believe that there is a tiny part of him that will always love me because of what we shared, but please, quit telling people how you love me and how hard it has been on you. Sure, he's hurting too, but the difference is he's the one that wanted this. On a different note... It was a hard weekend again since it was my sister's wedding. I felt so guilty since I had jealous, sad feelings running through me. Yes, I am SO happy for her, but I couldn't help feeling bad for myself. It was so hard to sit in the sealing room with her and hear she and Matt make their covenants... the same covenants that Josh and I made just over a year ago that he has broken. Then their (Morgan and Matt's) mission president said the most beautiful words about marriage and the covenants that were made at their luncheon. He put everything so clearly and I wish that Josh could have heard them all before he decided to give me the divorce papers. Now that I've vented, I can release all this pent up pain from this weekend. May the Lord grant me peace and patience and the ability to forgive.