Whirlwind

Alright, I know it's been a few weeks. Trust me, be glad that I didn't write. I'm gonna give you a quick update about what's been going on in my life and then I'll let you know why I was taking a breather. Firstly, I ended things with sweet Brandon. He really has been wonderful, but I guess I got this subconscious feeling that my life was about to get turned upside down... which it has. It would not have been fair to him to have him be in a relationship with me and what I'm going through right now. Second, I am now an aunt to a beautiful little girl names Ellie Kate Pugh!!! She is absolutely adorable and with time I will post a picture of us together. Third, I have moved again. It was only two floors down from where I was before, but for some reason I haven't been able to understand it took it's toll on me. Maybe it's because of the emotional turmoil I've been going through. It is so nice to have all of my things here this time. I had my sister's old room before and it had her stuff in it and I only brought a little over since I knew I'd be moving in two months. Now I have my sewing machine and my books and it is lovely! Fourth, according to my new wonderful roommate who used to be a marriage and family therapist I am still going through the 5 stages of loss. To put it bluntly I have been a mess of sorts for like the last two or three weeks. I started not being able to go to bed which seemed odd to me but with reflection I came to realize it's because I was alone and I couldn't stand being alone. This came to my mind when I realized I couldn't be alone for 15 minutes without HAVING to do something or be with someone. I'm still trying to cope with loneliness. I know I have God and friends and family all supporting me, but it's because Josh is gone and we are over. It's pathetic (at least to me) but it it's hurting right now. I have to deal with these feelings if I want to be at peace with them and heal. Since I've accepted that I've been doing a little better. I'm not dating anymore since I realize that it would be utterly selfish of me. I'm not in a place where I want to date to find someone. I want to date for fun and when that's not the man's intention for dating I'm just being selfish. I would be doing it as a distraction, for something to do, at least to some extent. Yes, there are people I want to date and see how things go, but I don't want to do that to them. So, I've had to take a step back and admit that I have more things concerning the divorce that I need to work on. I spoke with my bishop and he has suggested that I see a divorce counselor. Not because I'm not handling things well, but because it will help me heal faster. As much as my dad would probably say I'm providing an opportunity for others to say mean things to me, I'm going to admit that I'm going to go to a counselor. I'm doing it because I want to heal. I want to be over this divorce and not hurt anymore. I want to be in a relationship and for it to be healthy. It is for those that are going through what I'm going through and have read my blog and have let me know how it is helping them that I post this. They deserve to know it's tough on me too, but I CAN come out on top. In fact, I believe I already have. I have gained new experiences and knowledge and many good friends! God has put people in my path that can help me through this. God doesn't want us to hurt. He let's us for our own good , but he does love us. I just take peace knowing that God has promised me better things in life and that I am going to heal from this and be a better woman for it. He has promised me that someday I will know why this had to happen, but right now is not that time. So I'm marching on with my head held high. Not by myself but with the Lord by my side :) (Wow, maybe I should be a poet... not)

Sweet to Me

So, I have this really sweet boyfriend named, Brandon. He is so patient with me and I feel like we have a really down to earth relationship which is refreshing. Well, the other night we had to talk about some things and, if you know how I handle things, it was kind of stressful. It's scary to me to open up and share what I'm thinking and feeling, but it is very important to me. It wasn't a bad conversation in the least, but still, it was stressful. We ended not on a bad not but not on a great one either, but at least the worrying over talking about things was over and so the stress was gone. After that I left to watch a movie with some friends. When I got home that night I had a friend text me telling me I needed to get on facebook. This is what I received when I got on: Meeting Emily You were a beautiful stranger with energy and spunky! I wondered who you were dishing out lumps. Surprised by the invitation to sit by your side, I took a leap and gave things a try! So open and truthful, lots of fun, and a bit youthful. My eyes opened to your good heart, as I read faithful words of injury's smart. You had the voice of an angel and the heart of one too. It felt like holding heaven, when I held you. Nice to have met you Emily of mine. You are beautiful! You are divine! I don't know what you're thinking, but this made my night! It was so thoughtful and sweet and what's even better is that it was meant just for me! Since my divorce I've really struggled with my self worth. Most of the time I know I'm a good person and that God loves me, but there are always those memories that make me feel like garbage. Brandon's thought that I needed to be told what he thought about me hit the bull's eye. It was just wanted I needed. I just wanted to tell ya'll about how lucky I am :) Things may end between us or they may continue, but it's funny how God sticks the right people in our lives as the right time and they teach us the exact lessons we need. Thanks God.

Keepin' Busy

Well, I decided it's high time that I actually blog what has been going. I am having the most wonderful summer in my memory :) It's a nice feeling knowing when fall comes again you'll be satisfied with how your summer was spent. I've gone on a couple camping trips which have been a lot of fun. I went to Lagoon with some of my close friends with The Children's Miracle Network. My friend's mom works for them and so she was able to get us tickets which was absolutely sweet of her. We also did some of the olden time pictures where you dress up. I'll post pictures of them once I get my friend to email me the digital copies. I have now been backpacking and am so glad! The hike up kicked my trash, but the view at the end was worth it. We camped for a few days and hiked back down. I'll definitely do it again! My friend Jason has been taking me shooting so that I can get comfortable with a few different types of guns. I have a huge respect for guns, but I don't want to fear them because I've never really had the chance to use them. I don't know if I've mentioned before, but I now work up in Taylorsville doing lessons once a week. I hope at some point to have enough students to do two days. I have discovered that s'mores with peanut butter is absolutely divine and if you can have peanuts GO FOR IT! You will never turn back to your normal s'more. The newest news (and probably what people actually want to hear about) is that I'm in a relationship... Most of you have followed my divorce and are wondering how I'm coping. Well, I'm doing much better than coping :) I am so happy and having the time of my life. My roommates are spectacular and I love them! We'll be moving in a few weeks which will be a hassle, but I'm sure will provide some more wonderful opportunities. Now, hopefully Brandon (the man I'm dating) won't be irritated by me mentioning our relationship, but this is a big part of my life right now. We've been dating for about two weeks and all is going really well. He knows all about my divorce and is really patient with me and how parts of it are still affecting me. It's nice that he is so supportive and that he didn't just pass me by because I have 'divorced' tacked on to me. Anyway, life is wonderful and God is always pouring out bounteous blessings upon me. He has perfect timing and I'm so grateful to Him and his love and support :)

Shooting with Jason

Summer Fun with My Friends!